Thriving Abroad While Missing Home

By Cher Morente, Singapore Management University, Singapore

Revealing the ugly and hard-to-swallow truths about living abroad.

Studying abroad has been the best thing I have ever done. The people I’ve met, the places I’ve seen and the things I have learnt. But, it is also undeniably one of the hardest things I’ve done up to date. 

As someone who has been independent the majority of her life, especially wanting to escape from her little town in the North of England, being homesick was the last thing I could have ever imagined. And it created a constant internal conflict within because, to me, being in a new place filled with new experiences and opportunities was something I should not take for granted hence, I should be making the most of it all the time and moping around was the opposite of that. 

Since then, I have learnt upon reflection, that it is absolutely more than okay to be homesick wherever you are, however far you are. Moving away from home, especially thousands of miles away is something that takes a lot of courage as you’re taking a risk by leaving everything you knew and putting yourself into a completely new environment thus, no matter how exciting, fun and how much you love your present, it is more than normal to miss what you had been accustomed to. After all, it is likely where you grew up. 

Another way to look at it is that, you should consider yourself lucky when you’re feeling homesick as to even have a place or a person to miss so much, whatever home means to you, is a blessing. 

To be even more transparent, another thing I have struggled with during exchange is thriver’s guilt – feeling guilty of the experiences you have and/or receiving as it is something your parents may not have had the opportunity to have. Although commonly tied to the children of immigrants who are on the rise, it is most certainly applicable to anyone.

In my case, my feeling of guilt was derived from the awareness of the sacrifices my parents had made for me – leaving their past careers, friends, family and their home to support me and secure a better life for me than they had which ultimately have contributed to where I am today. While I am not negating the hard work I have put in myself, I could not have done it without them. Hence, when I travel and see new places I cannot help but feel guilt alongside my happiness for this could easily not have been my reality if it was not for my parents. Or rather, I wish it should be my parents in my place at that moment because this is ultimately what they had sowed and they should be the ones to reap it. 

However, I have grown to learn that by continuing to have this mentality, I am entrapping myself in a cycle with my feelings that robs me of staying present and enjoying the moment. Thus now, I like to express my gratitude and appreciation to my parents regularly and share my experiences with them as much as I can to combat this.

So, if ever, you find yourself struggling during exchange, I’d like to reassure you that it is okay and completely normal. That’s what makes things good because, if we were at a constant state of happiness then everything would be mundane. Take time for yourself and feel – do what you feel like doing, what’s best for you.