The Journey of Making Friends

by Alicja Banasiak, University of California Santa Cruz

Coming to California for a whole year knowing no one and never even setting foot in the US before was a scary experience and although the journey wasn’t a straight forward one, I ended up having a cliché experience of making great friends and memories that I will cherish my whole life.

Naturally as you meet people during move in, in the first few classes and at events at the start of the year everyone is super nice. Which is a wonderful thing that makes you feel really welcome, however, usually at events where people meet each other for the first time I find people form little cliques very quickly and I often find I’m left on the side lines. This partly due to my personality being quite shy before I get to know anyone really well. Most of the time though someone will initiate a greeting and from then on we hit it off and its great until… you realise how hard it is to actually maintain contact with the people you meet unless you regularly see them as part of your schedule. As the quarters progress people get really busy and with everyone’s schedules being so different, arranging a meeting for more than 2 people can be quite challenging! I in particular wasn’t even 21 until I finished my placement so going out and attending parties were out of the question for me making it super hard to find people I could form meaningful connections with.

However, despite the struggles I was really lucky in that I had incredible housemates. There was six of us in total and I managed to squeeze into a friendship group of 3 people as we were all living together. Housemates can be a very hit or miss thing though. I never lived with other people until I moved abroad and the whole idea of having a housemate was terrifying, never mind having a roommate!(which I did and she was lovely, but we honestly never hit off particularly well). Once you find people you vibe with, you have to try and make the effort and commit. Organise meetings, initiate conversations and don’t be scared to reach out first! These are a must if you want to form meaningful friendships.

The lowest of points came to me after about a month of being away and when I returned after Christmas. In the first month despite meeting people and getting along I couldn’t forget my family and the love of my live on the other side of the Atlantic (More on long-distance relationships in my other blog!) not to mention all my friends. You seriously feel the long distance even when you call them frequently, nothing can really replace the lack of physical touch and unfortunately that’s just something you have to push through. I emailed a few people at Manchester because a year felt too long to be away from everyone (and my whole life that I had in Manchester) so I desperately wanted to cut the experience short however, that was not an option. I would have to repeat the whole year, not to mention losing all the money I already invested into studying abroad. After giving it time though I began to enjoy it again and just tried to avoid thinking about how long I have to be away from everyone and instead just enjoying the present and keeping myself busy with a routine. With the thought of coming home for Christmas all was jolly and good until I came back again in January.

Having just been at home with everyone, almost getting used to being back in a familiar place surrounded by my favourite people and then leaving it all for the second time was HARD. I cried for a week straight, nearly the whole flight back, every thought of home nearly causing tears for a while after. However, with time I adjusted again, made more effort with my housemates to travel and hang out more and once classes started and I got into a routine and I was okay. Time makes these things easier. You just have to take it slow and most certainly not crawl into a pit of sadness and stay alone. Reaching out to people for support and dedicating time to calling people from home really makes it easier. Just stay strong.

During the spring break I got to stay at a friends house in LA and I got to go San Francisco for the second time (Check out my other blogs to hear about those!) and these were the best experiences. From late night gaming nights, take outs and spontaneous trips to San Jose with a semi functioning car and to blasting peaches as we drove on campus during late evenings, I had more memories than I can count and I would give so much to relieve those moments again despite my early struggles. As it came closer to going back home I knew I was going to be leaving California with a bittersweet taste. I grew really close with my new friends and knowing that everything was coming to an end soon was sad, with some of them graduating and others moving away, even if I could stay, everything couldn’t stay the same as it was. It was the end of a chapter in my life and it just had to happen.

So to finish off, if I could go again for the first time I definitely would because I learnt a lot about myself while I was away (for one I know I never want to move away from my family or friends when I get a big boy job and that I do not like adjusting to a new place long term!) however, having said that if I was to go away again for a SECOND time I would most certainly not as I am too attached to my home and the experiencing that again just isn’t for me!